A gig.. in a BIG RED BUS!!
“A big red bus?” I hear you say. “So?”
BUT ITS A BIG RED BUS!!
But then, it transpires, we’re not doing a gig in a big red bus, we’re doing a gig round the back in:
A BIG BLACK BOX!!
Oh, wait a minute, it’s not a big black box, it‘s A BIG BAD LORRY!!
A big bad lorry, WITH WHEELS!
Wheels, and CHILD SEATS!
And a REALLY DANGEROUS HIGH POWERED GAS HEATER!!
Which turned all the acts into CRAZED GAS POISONED ZOMBIE MANIACS!!
So I’m taking these pictures and thinking to myself, sometimes you need a mental gig to shake off the whole serious business of dying on your arse and wondering what your purpose is in life. This is going to be fun! But then, as the gig was about to start, the lights went out and the lorry drove off. We all blacked out from gas poisoning and the next thing I knew, we’re all in a cellar chained to the walls naked. We’d been kidnapped!! Trying to come to and make sense of what was happening, suddenly it dawned on me. I looked through the whole cellar and realised: Everyone in the room was an open mic comic...They’d been running this lorry gig and kidnapping aspiring young (and over the hill) comedians and forcing them into the slave trade for months! There are comedians working in crack houses, brothels, and strip bars all over the Europe. We were all chained and helpless, covered in pig shit and duck fat. Naked and crying. (One took the opportunity of having an audience and started doing his act. We cried some more.) Somehow I managed to chew through the straps and escape! I didn’t help anyone else escape though, the comedy circuit is dog eat dog and without these fucks around I get more gigs. In any case, Europe probably REALLY needs gimp slaves who do gags, it’s a niche market. Anyway, I managed to run home naked (and somehow found my phone too, ahem) And the lesson? Whenever you have a bad gig, there’s always a worse one round the corner. Oh, and never do gigs that have wheels.
(Seriously though, it was a really fun gig (go check it out) and no one got hurt in the making of this blog)
Gig No.7 done. Promoter and very funny lady Nena Edwards
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